The Happiest Mama

Being Meg's mommy is one of the best things I have ever experienced--or ever hope to experience. This afternoon, the two of us were in the car on the way to Target. My little girl was sitting behind me in her car seat, happily talking to herself in her own wordless way. I glanced in the rear view mirror and caught sight of that bright little face--sparkling blue eyes, rosy cheeks, face shining with a recent coat of Vaseline (it helps with her eczema)--and I just knew, for about the fiftieth time this week, that I am the most blessed woman on the face of the planet. My heart exploded with praises to the God who made Meg and, for some reason, entrusted her to Dave and me.

My girl doesn't necessarily have to be acting sweet and contented to make me feel this way--fortunately, the Holy Spirit can break in to my thoughts at any time and make me realize how much He has given me. For example: earlier today, I ran upstairs for a moment while Meg was happily occupied in her play room. Suddenly, I heard a wail. This was not a, "Mommy, I miss you" wail; this was a bona fide "I'm in pain" wail. I raced downstairs to find Meg red-faced and crying, clearly hurt, although I couldn't determine what happened. I scooped her up and started the simple, silly mommy-soothing process that women seem to possess innately: "Shhhh, it's okay, Little Love. You're okay." (Kiss, kiss.) "You're okay. Shhhhhh. It's all right now." (Kiss.) She didn't stop crying immediately, but even as the tears continued, I thought, "I can't believe I get to do this. I can't believe I get to be the nurturer and comforter of this little person. I'm so grateful that God made me to do this."

Of course--of course--there are difficult moments as well. There are times when I am inconvenienced, or when my will is thwarted, or when my words are disobeyed. Because I am a sinner, what surfaces in my heart in these moments is not always humble gratitude, but irritation or anger.

Tuesday the 16th was my 27th birthday. That morning, I read the following in Spurgeon's Morning and Evening: "I am the One who helps you, declares the Lord." (Isaiah 41:14) "In helping you, I am giving you what I have bought for you already. If you had need of a thousand times as much help, I would give it to you; you require little compared with what I am prepared to give... you are nothing but a tiny insect at the door of my all-sufficiency. I will help you."

I need God's help to love my little girl. I need it desperately. In the moments when I am angry or irritated, I need His help to repent. In the moments when being a mom seems to come so easily, I need His help to stay consciously dependent on Him. After all, it is God's help that makes those moments so sweet in the first place.

On Tuesday morning, I wrote the following in my journal: "Help me, my God, my All-Sufficient One, to be the most contented, most grateful, most humbled woman in the world, as I ought to be. Jesus, it would be more than enough if you had only given me Yourself, but You have done so much more. Therefore let me be every day awed--floored, stunned, shocked, scandalized--by Your amazing grace."