Being a Grownup Is Not a Feeling, or "I'm the Mommy Now"

Today in the Wilcox household we are experiencing a first. Daddy and Baby are both sick at the same time. Meg has been battling some stomach/fever/cold thing on and off for at least two days now, and Dave spent most of last night hanging over the toilet bowl. My poor sweeties!

Sometime in the fog of last night, as I lay awake listening to my husband wretch and heave for about the tenth time, I had the vague thought: "We need Mom. If Mom could come and take care of us, everyone would feel much better." Then immediately I had the much clearer thought, "Wait a second, I am the mom now! I'm the one responsible for taking care of sick people in this family!" I'm the one they're going to look to for the small comforts and services that make all of us "feel better" in the midst of illness. I'm the one who's supposed to know what to do when people are throwing up or waking up feverish or getting runny noses or scraping their knees!

As I progress through my twenties, I regularly wonder why I still don't feel grown up. I mean, I've been married for three years, I've done the career thing, I have a one-year-old child, we own a home that I take care of--it certainly seems like I should feel grown up! As a kid, I guess I thought that being "grown up" was reaching a milestone: moving out of my parents' home, getting married, whatever. But I've passed all those markers now, and the grown up feeling never came. As an adult, I sometimes believe that being "grown up" is some kind of mystical feeling, a sense of having arrived, of being able and equipped. But despite my education (formal and informal) and my experiences and the fact that I have a pretty decent head on my shoulders, the grown up feeling hasn't come.

So here's what I've learned about being grown up: it's not a feeling. It's not a sense, or a milestone, or an experience, or a sensation. Being grown up is gratefully receiving the privilege that comes with age and cheerfully shouldering the responsibility that accompanies the privilege and makes it possible. It's trusting in God's sufficiency when I know I'm not up to the challenge. It's staying the course even when the wind and waves (and sometimes my own heart!) are against me. It's not assuming that someone else will take care of it. It's getting out of bed at 1:45 a.m. to comfort my husband or give my little girl her medicine.

Because I truly am a grownup. Even if I don't feel like one.