Proud Mommy Moment

So I know I'm overdue to post birthday pictures and such, but that takes a lot of time, and this post will only take a minute. So I'm doing this one now.

I love seeing how my little girl's mind works. Just a moment ago we were in the living room, playing in the space we've reserved for Meg's toys. Suddenly, she stopped playing and crawled away from me, intently staring down the hallway toward the kitchen as if looking or listening for something. I realized then that the music playing from our computer (which is located in the kitchen) had just changed.

The new song was an instrumental piece that we used at the start of the little video I created to commemorate Meg's first year. And of course, Meg listened to this song many times as I worked on perfecting the video. Every now and again as I worked, I would show her the portion I had completed. And when we played the finished product at her birthday celebration, she was riveted (even though I don't think she knew the pictures were all of her).

So back to the living room: as Meg stared toward the kitchen , I thought, "Does she recognize this music?" Sure enough, seconds later she took off, crawling as fast as those short, chunky legs could carry her. She made right for the computer and looked up at the screen to find out if her video was playing. Of course, it wasn't, and she quickly got distracted by an errant Cheerio on the linoleum, but still... you could tell what had happened in her mind!

It's amazing to me to think that, while we were focused on something totally different in a totally separate room, she heard and recognized that song and knew enough to associate it with a video that she hadn't seen for more than a week! A lot has changed since the days when she didn't even recognize food until it was stuck in her mouth!

Being a Grownup Is Not a Feeling, or "I'm the Mommy Now"

Today in the Wilcox household we are experiencing a first. Daddy and Baby are both sick at the same time. Meg has been battling some stomach/fever/cold thing on and off for at least two days now, and Dave spent most of last night hanging over the toilet bowl. My poor sweeties!

Sometime in the fog of last night, as I lay awake listening to my husband wretch and heave for about the tenth time, I had the vague thought: "We need Mom. If Mom could come and take care of us, everyone would feel much better." Then immediately I had the much clearer thought, "Wait a second, I am the mom now! I'm the one responsible for taking care of sick people in this family!" I'm the one they're going to look to for the small comforts and services that make all of us "feel better" in the midst of illness. I'm the one who's supposed to know what to do when people are throwing up or waking up feverish or getting runny noses or scraping their knees!

As I progress through my twenties, I regularly wonder why I still don't feel grown up. I mean, I've been married for three years, I've done the career thing, I have a one-year-old child, we own a home that I take care of--it certainly seems like I should feel grown up! As a kid, I guess I thought that being "grown up" was reaching a milestone: moving out of my parents' home, getting married, whatever. But I've passed all those markers now, and the grown up feeling never came. As an adult, I sometimes believe that being "grown up" is some kind of mystical feeling, a sense of having arrived, of being able and equipped. But despite my education (formal and informal) and my experiences and the fact that I have a pretty decent head on my shoulders, the grown up feeling hasn't come.

So here's what I've learned about being grown up: it's not a feeling. It's not a sense, or a milestone, or an experience, or a sensation. Being grown up is gratefully receiving the privilege that comes with age and cheerfully shouldering the responsibility that accompanies the privilege and makes it possible. It's trusting in God's sufficiency when I know I'm not up to the challenge. It's staying the course even when the wind and waves (and sometimes my own heart!) are against me. It's not assuming that someone else will take care of it. It's getting out of bed at 1:45 a.m. to comfort my husband or give my little girl her medicine.

Because I truly am a grownup. Even if I don't feel like one.

Thanksgiving... for Covenant Life Church

There are many reasons why the Wilcox family is tremendously grateful for Covenant Life Church. To read about one, check out this testimony that I wrote recently to express my thanks to our pastors.

Self Portraits

For a church event that took place this week, Dave and I had to submit a nice, recent picture of ourselves. This presented a small problem for us, as we don't have any nice, recent pictures of ourselves. We have our formal wedding pictures, which are okay but not something I want the whole church to see, and then we have one somewhat hazy shot of ourselves on top of a mountain that we hiked on our first anniversary, and then we have nothing until Meg was born. (Then we have about a million pictures of our baby in every conceivable state and pose.)

So we did a photo shoot. Just Dave, me, and our camera on the timer setting. ("Beep... beep... beep... beep... clicka-cliiiick!") Since it was late at night, and since we are still getting acquainted with our camera, we took a very long time producing anything of value. We also argued a lot over whether to pose "formally" (Dave's vote) or "naturally" (my vote). Dave said that if we sat up straight and felt formal, then the pictures would turn out looking natural. I said that if we posed so we felt natural, the pictures would look natural.

The final result? A whole bunch of bad shots, a whole bunch of funny shots, and a whole lot of laughter. Oh, and a nice, recent, submission-worthy picture. One. Finally.

Here are some of our varied attempts:

And at last, the winning entry: